EXPECTIONS
It seems you always
Know how to get to me
With your wishy-washy ways
And each time I become frustrated
I trip over my pride
Thinking…why do you do this to me
Why won’t you comply
Maybe it is time to abandon my expectations
And see the truth
You are not going to change
And my disappointments hinge on me
For I am the one torturing my brain.
© Doris Ann Bridgehouse
TIDBITS
With much frenzy and hoopla, you finally get where you are going...where you belong.
NEW CATEGORY:
KINDRED CONNECTIONS AND INSIGHTS
THE KNOWN AND THE UNKNOWN
Within these pages, I have charted my journey through the unknown. This exploration serves as a map, a guide that we must travel alone. The unknown is an uncharted space that is felt rather than seen. Think of it as an intuitive, impartial understanding—not something to be feared or hoped for, but a surge, an inner compass pointing toward potential. This threshold belongs to the unknown, although the unknown is merely the known waiting to be revealed.
Surrendering to this clarity allows us to shed subjectivity, dissolving into a lucid, open emptiness—a state of pure knowing. Think of the infinity symbol (∞); a fluid, balanced dance of opposites. It represents the eternal, unbroken cycle, reminding us that all existence flows from a non-beginning in an unending, connected loop.
Intuition thrives within this interplay, acting as a rapid pattern-recognition system that operates faster than analytical thought. Instead of treating it as a mysterious, innate gift, we must embrace it as a trainable skill maintained through active self-trust. Developing this trust isn't a one-time event; it is built through small, consistent, daily choices. The key is finding a balance: engaging in practices that quiet the mind while learning to honor those subtle, immediate nudges.
Embrace a journey without a deadline, starting with self-reflection. The key is to make small, achievable promises to yourself and follow through; this reshapes your neural pathways
and strengthens self-trust. Journaling also helps to reprogram the subconscious mind.
You may ask how to distinguish intuition from your imagination or the ego’s messages. True guidance speaks to you in a nurturing command. Examples: Careful, there is a car passing you on the right. You forgot your license. Call your daughter, now. Slow down you are going too fast. Check your left tire. These messages make intuitive sense. They are positive and helpful.
In contrast, the ego has a mischievous sneakiness that drains one’s peace and the insincere monologue has a disconnect. As though the message is going through the AI emotion, and the current does not flow. I am sure many have noticed this phenomenon when we listen to an automated directory. Its questions are panned.
For instant you are going to be late. The host of the party will ignore you tonight. Drive faster. Hurry! Pass that car. At the meeting, no one will like what you have to say. Note the disconnectedness of those examples. There is a demand to make one feel unsafe.
Our wanting is our blind spot. We must question—is our want out of reach or we are neglecting to face the fact of how things are, pure reality. It is not logical to stubbornly fight an inevitable situation?
With accepting an unknown insight, we respond to the flow—this is not being passive; it is being flexible. Hence, when unknown insight happens it is usually forged by the shock of being caught off guard. We like to hang on to our subjective perceptions. This is why self-trust is necessary.
Embrace the unknown, for it is our destiny to be eternal seekers on an endless quest of understanding. By honoring our unknown insights, we transform our desperate need for control into receptivity, peace, and growth.
The best part, mastering this practice allows us to step away from mindless chaos where we cultivate an insight that channels our energy toward a lucid understanding of a circumstance. We won’t waste time going in an endless circle of making mistakes that are costly to our psyche. Then we have time to enjoy our brighter, intentional, and meaningful existence.
If you would like to delve deeper into the known and unknown listen to Donald Rumsfeld. In 2002 he highlighted and expanded his concepts on the known and unknown. The internet will give you those examples. I feel his unknown explanation is interesting. Still the fact remains, during our existence and the unknown will weave in and out of our lives with its constant challenges.
Another interesting point of known and unknown is Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. The internet shows several interesting explanations that I am sure you will find intriguing.
RELATIONSHIP
(Partnerships)
We are built for belonging; we have a fundamental human need that is hardwired into our DNA as a biological mandate for thriving rather than merely surviving. This impulse is as complex as it is vital, turning our social lives into a series of lifelong dress rehearsals that span from infancy to our final hours.
There is always a learning curve involving contentment, drama and the spice that keeps life interesting. Even the most reclusive people need an anchor for emotional stability—be it a muse, a memory, or a routine—to help them carry the weight of the day.
The more our lives are woven together and shared the more we feel enriched. Still whether we realize it or not, these moments are fluid; nothing remains stationary. We may try to freeze time to shield ourselves from change or fear, but we cannot stop life’s natural momentum.
Does a relationship fall apart? Yes…this is clear. One partner may not clearly understand when the gap of their relationship is becoming too wide, love vanishes. Or noticed that a partner was moving in another direction. If a partner has already checked out, a heart-to-heart could feel like the effort was too little, too late. While raw vulnerability could sometimes breathe new life into a partnership, every new beginning requires both parties’ evolvement.
Without shared growth, the unavoidable happens. Relationships begin to fade and emotional abandonment often occurs leading to deep resentment and negative communication patterns. This distance frequently prompts desperate attempts to manipulate the partner, trying to force them back into an outdated, more comfortable version of what they thought they once had.
Nothing stops partnerships from changing. Ultimately, we must accept when a chapter has closed and honor a relationship for the experience it was. We all face our personal limits, but in a relationship, a partner’s refusal to grow will create a bottleneck. It only takes one partner to stall their internal work. If that is the case, so be it.
RELATIONSHIPS
(Immaturity)
While everyone struggles with emotions, some individuals remain stuck in a state of arrested development, often termed a 'Peter Pan' stage. Where they struggle to manage their inner world, even minor changes to their routine may place them in an emotionally reactive state. Change is a threat.
Overwhelmed and self-conscious, their insecurity often leads them to a distort reality rather than take accountability. The means to shut down when emotional challenged is much like the steam from a pressure cooker, they need a release for their pent-up angst, and validation is the most effective way to ease that pressure. They refuse to give anyone the benefit of doubt or a kind word in return. The means to shut down their misery will not matter.
Their pride is their anchor, and it is driven by a hair-rigger response that perceives disrespect. They may give a person silent treatment, freeze them out, or try to force the other person to chase them and expect them to apologize. Their emotional display, with poor impulse control, shows their immaturity. They also do not know how to examine or express themselves clearly.
They wear an invisible shackle to protect their ego, requiring absolute control, and they will twist reality when that control slips. They are experts at deflection, turning their mistakes into your problem. They strike with insults instantly, escalating their rage with vulgarity when challenged.
They shift blame or insult others instead of opening their minds, their focus narrows. In this state, they make blunders, such as acting inappropriately, even though their tirade will later prove to be to their detriment.
They simply need to purged the all-consuming torture they feel. When you try to hold them accountable, they rewrite history, claiming "memory loss" to make you question your own sanity, a classic form of manipulation. Some immature individuals could exert some kind of physical power to make others feel small.
From the beginning the world revolves around their issues. They do not listen; creating a breach, talking past us. Even when someone puts in the effort of being heard, they cannot help themselves. The changes that are happening around them turn up the heat of their defense mechanism. That is when they are in meltdown zone.
You cannot “love” that person in to changing their personality snafus or “hope” that someday things will be different. It takes an awareness, not temporary, for change to happen. It is exhausting to explain to them the damage they have caused. Regardless of your efforts, they are clueless to their hostile mood drops, acting like a virus, polluting the relationship and turning trust into stress.
Prediction…after any of these incidents, when the dust settles, they will reappear with love-bombs. Suddenly, they are affectionate, apologetic or give you stories of your good time together. This is to bring you back in, much like a vacuum picks up dust, until you return to their orbit. It is almost like a game to them.
Think of their behavior as an overstretched elastic. When pushed too far they snap back to old controlling antics. Until they acknowledge this toxic pattern, they will remain trapped in a toxic cycle that likely requires professional intervention to breakthrough their stagnation.
Letting go of the illusion of control brings true flow and contentment. When we embrace this, our spirit finds harmony, radiating a calm presence outward. It is a journey that begins by understanding yourself and recognizing your partner's immaturity.
Try these simple steps below to feel you have done your best to cultivate your relationship. After you have finished these exercises, how do you feel and how did your partner respond?
Promote mundane tasks with intentional with intentional engagement. Emotional: Openly share feelings. How does this person respond? Intellectual: Engage in meaningful dialogue. Physical: Offer genuine affection. Spiritual: Foster shared purpose and unity. Ask yourself how you react to change. How do those around you react to change? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Have you experienced negative repercussions because of your behavior?
EPIPHANY
While meditating, I had an epiphany; we stumble through our days as if we were surrounded by a borderless fog. Our routines create a stupor, a comfortable numbness where we are incapable of seeing the new. The fog is our prison, keeping us fearful and blinding us to new possibilities. Where we cannot see the beauty of the all-embracing offerings in front of us.
This borderless fog roams from person to person, situation to situation, to mishap to mishap clinging like a kudzu vine that slowly chokes the life out of timber. The fog, a grey veil, envelopes us in atrophy and despair. It renders our days bland and distant, leaving us unable to appreciate the small graces in front of us or reach out to others. In time, the kudzu vine will kill the tree. We too may perish, not by the clock, but by the slow fading of our spirit.
Break free from this mental fog. Start participating in the new view by being attentive and enjoy the ordinariness of your days. Participate in the now and appreciate those around you and your surroundings. Be attentive: observe how your body feels when you wake up. Take a glimpse into the mirror and observe deeply. Begin an inspiring conversation with the face staring back at you. Why not? It is free and it is fun.
Pay attention to the weather and value our living earth. Try being present when clearing the table or washing laundry. Take deep breath at every traffic light. Be thankful you have time for yourself, release tension. Observe your surroundings: what colors do you see, listen to the cosmos whispers, and take a deep breath occasionally. Feel yourself. Know that you are here. Every cognitive step brings you closer to a path of stillness. There is no need to hurry; just be.
While you are shopping at the grocery store, watch people and randomly smile. If you are shy, nod your head in acknowledgement when someone catches your eye. Wave to a child, they will enjoy the attention. These simple gestures honor our human shared experience
The “mirror effect” is our social glue. As we recognize another person, we also recognize ourselves. This human kinship is the fundamental groundwork for identifying our shared existence and interdependence. It shatters the illusion of isolation, revealing our interconnectedness and anchoring us with a shared belonging.
Observe the person who is thoughtful and empathetic. Their act of kindness is genuine. For instance, the person who holds a door or yields their place in line. These polite gestures are kind declarations that someone else’s time and comfort matters. Every good deed, helping hand, or sincere compliment is another humanitarian gift. In these moments, we become carriers of a light meant to be passed on. Oh, I forgot to mention that true kindness requires no return; the effort is never a favor to be repaid.
THE HUNGRY GHOST SYNDROME
In Buddhism, hungry ghosts are beings characterized by a desire for everything. It represents people who, due to disappointments, unmet needs for love or safety, develop fixated, obsessive and destructive behaviors. Often causing pain to themselves and others in a desperate search for gratification.
I feel the hungry ghost syndrome is a phenomenon that lives within our own psyche. This analogy happens to be one of my favorites. Let me explain. Its stature is large, having an enormous stomach with a tiny mouth. Driven by an insatiable craving, it wanders hopelessly in torment trying to fulfill its relentless hunger.
This state manifests as a desperate need to control, drain others of their fulfillment. It is essential for them to fill their internal void with power, often resulting in cruel, manipulative, or antisocial behaviors to manage their hungry ghost discontentment.
Exam how one feels when we are seeking something that seems out of reach; whether it is happiness, love, success or validation, there is an emptiness. For in the act of seeking, we inadvertently accentuate the absence of the thing we feel we want; our hungry ghost rises. That is when our antisocial behaviors make clumsy attempts to soothe our discontent, leaving us feeling even more joyless and alone.
We also tend to cling to our pain when we realize our attachment to what we wanted is in the past. There is a loss; to let go of sorrow feels like letting go of it or them. We fear that without the aching; our memory will fade. So, we allow the memories to pull us back, drowning us again in the same dark moment.
For an analogy, it is like thinking about a train that has already left the station. The past is gone, but the ego keeps our fear from moving forward in a loop that marinates our loss, indefinitely. This action also stalls healing, trapping us in a pain-soaked unconscious daze rather than letting it fade into the forgotten.
There are many who feel comfortable clinging to past disappointments, disasters, and slights. They seem to dwell on their previous misfortunes for decades as if their mishap happened yesterday. These individuals become defensive and argumentative when offered to view a realistic path forward. They tend to believe that others have it easier, completely blind to the fact that their own obsession with the past is the primary obstacle that defeats the purpose of experiencing joy.
They can’t seem to understand that rehashing a past disappointment might offer a nanosecond of satisfaction, but soon, that inner void will drive them toward another destructive act to mask their resentments. Realize this: we will not be able to satisfy our hungry ghost. It must be understood before we can let it go.
When we dismiss someone's worth, gossip, or make nasty raw impulses to feel better about ourselves, we are acting from a place of insecurity. The familiar “why not me,” is a red flag that someone else is receiving attention proving we are craving validation and measuring our self-worth against another’s accomplishments. Succumbing to jealousy simply shows others how empty we are inside.
It is up to us to break the insatiable cravings of the hungry ghost syndrome. Start with small increments such as training oneself to begin a fresh chapter by shifting daily routines. Perhaps by setting an alarm at a different time, trying new stretches, sitting in a different chair, or taking a new route. At the very least, notice something new each day. It is surprising how much happens around us that we rarely observe.
To clarify, striving for a new job, self-improvement, or community upgrading is not the wanting I mean. Those actions represent visionary and proactive flow—a drive that creates growth, experiences and fulfillment. Forging ahead with positive goals will bring uplifting moments, sparing us envious void that stems from dissatisfaction.
Try revisiting a dusty hobby or face a lingering fear to bring to challenge a current perspective. For anything that interrupts our automatic responses restores our creative spark and aids personal evolution. Breaking our routine brings an aura of freedom and subdues the hungry ghost syndrome that often governs our hidden, habitual lives. A weakness that we rarely see in ourselves.
Most importantly, we must make a conscious effort to pause and reflect upon our reactions. When we feel the 'woe is me' moment emerging, try counting to three. Also, listen if when the mind begins to feel the green dragon rise with envious thoughts. Question if a dialogue or an act ends by a pollutant win. Before this happens, allow silence to prevail. If we cannot speak kindly why speak at all.
Grounding ourselves in the now reinvents another way of thinking. Pay attention, appreciate our surroundings and every new vision. These small gestures free us from the burdens of past or future worries. Again, I mention listening. It is surprisingly rewarding and contributes to clarity with most conversation.
Let me interject, a starting point is simply to share. We should emphasize our feelings rather than shut down dialogue, even if the conversation is not perfect. Input is always welcome. This shows that personal growth benefits the individual while being tied to us.
We can't beat ourselves up for allowing the hungry ghost to take over, that’s not productive. Indiscretions happen. Quickly admitting when we are wrong is a sign of maturity. When we are attentive to our daily decisions we have taken control of our actions. Practicing small intents skills may help banish the hungry ghost or at least keep it under wraps from micromanaging our lives.
Listen to your hungry ghost. Are you hurting others in the same way you were hurt?
Exercise: Take a deep breath. Say out loud, “I breathe in the positive.”
As you exhale, say out loud “I release myself from...
(state the negative situation) and “I choose to move forward.”
Practice this step whenever you feel aggravated or you are in a blaming mode.
LIFE’S ENERGY
I have always felt life is energy, and that vital force links us with nature. Unfortunately, many people isolate their personal energy from the Earths, viewing the world as separate rather than a unified, a vibrating whole. This alienation makes it difficult for them to understand our survival depends on our mental attitude plus the health of our wonderful planet.
The big question. Where does the energy come from? Who is in charge? I do not claim to know. LIFE is a dance of energy. Its perpetual vibrational motion binds us intrinsically with the Earth’s pulsation. Think…where would the trees be without the sun and rain? We are of the same mix. How will humanity find joy or survive if we cannot acknowledge the living vibration of our unity in every life form?
Daily, we blend our energy with our surroundings. For example, walking into a room filled with laughter versus discord is a sensory experience that reveals how our internal state filters external "vibes." This intersection determines whether our perception feels either uplifting or tense at an emotional, social, and physical level.
When we encounter negative energy, our instinct is to resist, but this often mirrors a Chinese finger trap. The harder you pull to escape the conflict, the tighter it binds you. To free ourselves from the trap, we must relax and push inward, a reminder that peace often comes from stillness, not struggle.
Negative thoughts and actions lead to the same result: the more we promote negative energy, the more you drain your own vitality. When we feel stressed, break the cycle—look out of a window, recite an affirmation, or focus an action or anything that makes us smile. In those brief moments, we have released the humdrumness of negativity and then we can relax with the flow.
I like to address scheming individuals such as bullies who use manipulation tactics that invalidate create havoc and joy for others; an act triangulation: they force a gap between two people to control the narrative. Everyone has been there; certain individuals frequently use their status or profession to belittle others.
Their grandiose narcissism involves an inflated attitude of entitlement, often leading them to construct an inner circle of followers to create an "us versus them" dynamic. In school we may have called them clicks. In their minds, this maintains their status. Their need for power often stems from a deficiency mindset, where they falsely believe another person's success necessitates their own loss.
We cannot allow anyone to trap us in the pit of withdrawal, causing us to miss the wonder in our ordinary days. And we must not waste our time rehashing a foolish person’s remarks. I remember Buddhist saying, “A single word of truth which calms the mind is better to hear than listening to thousand irrelevant empty words. Survivors must reclaim their space. Everyone deserves to live in joy, not the cycle of hurt. Note who the source of the words came from.
I have practiced letting the negative go by rubbing my hands together until they feel warm and then flashing my hand of negative remarks or thoughts into the ether. Also, we further restore our mojo by setting boundaries, avoid toxic people embrace kindness and again, be an active listener. Listening is the gateway of learning about ourselves and others. The next step is to remember that we should be kind to ourselves. Simplicity keeps us in a connected flow.
SHOULD WE HELP OR WAIT AND SEE
Should we help, or wait, and see? This is a super-charged question. Why is it that when we do something good for someone, we feel we haven’t done enough? That lingering guilt often has nothing to do with reality; it just stays with us.
Let’s analyze this strange paradox. The condemnation is not because we failed, but because we measure our finite contribution against an infinite need. We passively identify with the outcome: if the person is still struggling, we view our help as a "drop in the bucket" rather than a lifeline. In conclusion, it is rarely about the facts; it is about our own internal pressure to be a “fixer.”
We may have to dig deeper into our psyche to reveal why we have a relentless need to rescue the needy. Is the action truly charitable, or is it an ingrained coping mechanism to fulfill a yearning tied to one’s past? When rescuers tie their self-worth to feel valued, a battle that cannot be won. Maybe our desire to help others is avoidance? It is easier to pour our energy into someone else’s drama than doing the heavy lifting that is required to focus on our own personal struggles.
I would like to make a point, individuals who have a high empathy and agreeableness are targets for manipulative people who lack a conscience. Their invasive behavior and disrespect have no shame. Always be aware if we are offering too much to eradicate other people’s problems while diminishing our quality of life; for example, when a friend asks to borrow money that we do not have, or a sentimental item that would be painful if they were lost or broken.
Charismatic individuals often deflect accountability through passive-aggressive tactics that induce guilt. They occupy our time and space without regard, shifting their dialogue to suit their agenda. They prioritize their own interests, inflating their challenges while marginalizing ours.
Their temporary reliance on others is predatory, and their lack of boundaries is absolute. Do not mistake this behavior for friendship; you are merely a resource to fix their self-created crises. Start tracking their “why does everything happen to me” excuses. You will soon realize it is a never-ending story.
We must question ourselves. Are we enabling others by fostering dependency and hindering their personal growth? Evaluate the need verses the crisis. Stop giving an instant “yes” when asked for help, take time to measure the validity of a messy situation. Think, could an overly helpful or a well-intentioned "yes" could cost us more than we initially anticipated.
The frustration stems from their endless externalizing blame shifting as if they were wearing a consequence shield. Negotiating with emotionally demanding individuals is often an exercise in futility. Their inability to ground themselves in reality makes compromise impossible. They rarely recognize the sacrifices of others; while they may offer superficial gratitude, their subsequent actions reveal their true motives.
Let me recap, conflict cannot be resolved when the instigator refuses to acknowledge their role. The only realistic stand is a firm one: Refuse to engage in the drama. Prioritize your mental health over the exhausting urge to fix what is fundamentally broken within them. In this existence, we walk our own paths, and no one can walk them for us.
A "true adult" would understand boundary setting, and that firm decisions are not personal attacks, they are a necessary part of living. It is the difference between reacting, getting angry and defensive. Sure, one may feel disappointed, but we must answer what is right for us.
Society rightly encourages us to help one another; however, it often fails to emphasize that we must also practice self-care. Too frequently, prioritizing our own needs is wrongly labeled as selfish. Self-care is the foundation of maintaining health, creating a forward ripple that benefits everyone around us.
We must release the guilt and understand that it is okay to appreciate our own lives without feeling guilty that someone else has less. On this timeless path we all walk, no one is either ahead or behind; there are too many layers and unique developments to be competitive.
As the saying goes, "I can hold the ladder, but you must climb it." It is that very act of holding and uplifting that keeps us tethered to humanity. Without that bond we are isolated. With it, we are able to experience the shared wonder of loving one another.
Our lives consist of many mazes and mystifying turns. It is impossible to save everyone. When we are helping someone in need, it is best to analyze their past and to recognize their limitations; we cannot push people beyond what they are capable of.
We must meet them where they are in their development and engage them at their level of comprehension. This is not always an easy task. People are like chameleons. We may may have assumptions about someone, but that does not always match reality. People tend to show us what they want us to see. Remember the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” However, by keeping strict boundaries we can save ourselves from making foolish mistakes.
PEACE
Is self-sabotage your current behavior pattern? Are you stealing your own peace by being too hard on yourself when things do not go as planned? Do you find it difficult to practice self-compassion when you fall short of expectations?
Stop living through negative viewpoints. Remember it is up to you to choose a different lens. Recognize why and how you are falling into a black-and-white thinking trap. Remind yourself that being human includes making mistakes. Ask: "How would I support a friend in this situation?" and offer that same kindness to yourself.
Try this actionable and simple guided meditation to calm the “monkey mind. I like it because we always have it at our beck and call. It only requires you to sit down and participate. I call it the blinking exercise transition; it is surprising how much it reduces unwanted thoughts. To relax take a few slow breaths, feeling your belly rise and fall.
The countdown:
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then open them say '3'. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then open them say '2'. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then open them and say '1'. Pause: Close your eyes for the last time and keep them closed for a few seconds. Reflect: Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and notice how you feel. Another example, think of a breathtaking landscape that makes you smile. Focus on something that helps you relax, a candle’s flame. You might also explore tactile meditation by holding a familiar object to maintain focus. Use your imagination. Stay in this state as long as possible. Do not panic. There are no time limits. If you find your mind wondering, bring yourself back to the scene. Practice makes perfect.
If possible, discuss your emotions with a trusted individual. They could offer valuable support. Open communication serves as a healthy tool for both managing emotions and increasing self-awareness. Furthermore, a fresh perspective often provides a much-needed lift. When life becomes overwhelming, how do you decompress?
Short, repetitive practices such as deep breathing or focusing on a calming visual also effectively reduce stress and pacify a restless mind. Consistency becomes effective with practice. For further information there are many guided relaxation techniques online.
As a daily exercise, cultivate contentment by jotting down one blessing (gratitude) and one need (a reality check) in a small calendar square. This momentary pause pulls us back to center, letting go of the future’s what-ifs and yesterday’s if-onlys. In this space, simplicity is everything. For further information there are many guided relaxation techniques online.
In amidst life’s mystery, it is up to us to make our lives worth living. Take a moment to check your unresolved issues: What are your true blessings? What are your genuine needs? Is peace missing in your life? Ask why. That one question is the first step to determine if you are overthinking or forcing quick solutions. Be blunt with your honesty. It will challenge the ego’s inner cynic.
Protect your peace by refusing to engage in toxic dynamics. Do not allow the unhealthy circles in life to steal your time and joy. Reclaim your space, set firm boundaries, and surround yourself with kind, active listeners to bring your mojo back.
By practicing choiceless perceptions without judgement, as taught by J. Krishnamurti, allows us to witness life's unfolding drama without becoming attached to it. This practice gives us the ability to sit and self-reflect rather than seek the known (past) or unknown (future) as a distraction.
THE BRAIN AND INTELLIGENCE
The brain is a complex organ and the ultimate control center that governs our movements and consciousness. It regulates everything from breathing to processing thought, emotion, and memory. It archives our learned knowledge and experiences. However, I believe true intelligence is far more profound. It possesses an independence that operates outside our known facts, and grasp truths beyond our immediate understanding.
One’s inner essence, the central part of being, is where intelligence lies. This intelligence lives in a dormant state waiting for us to access it. Many well-known philosophers may call it something else. It could be called soul, intuition, mind, a spiritual essence, higher intelligence or divine eye etcetera. The name does not matter as much as it is at our beck and call.
I believe this intelligence is an understanding of one's observations, mixed with purpose, and then topped with meditative silence. Once it comes together, this intelligence gives us undeniable insight and sharpness.
Furthermore, non-attachment to the mundane world gives us an inner silence that frees us from incessant thoughts, past preconceived notions or visualizations of what could be. It also helps us to let go (the past is gone), trust ourselves, and listen to information that brings value to our lives.
Thinking of the future is disruptive because it is not a real experience. For an analogy, our unwritten masterpiece is lost in wasting time. The intelligent “aha” kismet moment elevates us to where our being feels clear, a grounding in reality; helping us to let go of brain related, subjective ideas.
Pattern interruption is the most effective way to rewire the brain and break free from a reactive, autopilot state. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, focus on one micro-habit at a time. Any small deliberate shift creates lasting changes.
Use your non-dominant hand to brush your teeth or hold a drink. Practice a pause technique. When you feel a habitual urge to check your cell phone, pause for a few seconds to unblock your habit moment. Count to three. Also, instead of keeping your cell with you every moment, place it in another room. Even if it is for a short time. Change Your Routine: Even on a familiar walk or drive, taking a different route forces your brain to engage with new visual stimuli rather than tuning to a known path. Rearrange your desk or room. Just moving a chair or a pillow may make a difference. Cleaning drawers, the kitchen junk drawer, or rearranging a closet is another way to change. Move your television remote to a different location. To understand ourselves, we must first become a conscious observer of our words and actions. Shed the “poor me” attitude; self-awareness is the only antidote. While external factors are an inevitable part of life, they do not absolve us from our responsibilities.
Do not shy away from problems, own them, without excuses. The first step to moving in a new positive direction is to listen to others with our whole being. This practice will help us build new pathways and gain an improved perspective.
Remember that thoughts are not reality. Shift to observing rather than buying into the ego’s storytelling. Move toward actions of compatibility and compress. By acknowledging our Interdependence, we initiate positive changes, opening an intelligence where the unknown guides you toward a new known.
Change is our only constant, as steady as the Earth’s orbit. We have a choice to harness our intelligence by shedding the outdated beliefs that hold us back. It beats the heavy consequences of stagnation. Through the practice of daily mindfulness our anxieties evolve into wisdom. When we surrender to our inner 'I,' we yield to a true essence that reveals the joy of an “authentic life."
An overview: Our hungry ghost breeds stagnation; while our intelligence foster openness. Moving from survival to embodiment marks a shift from subconscious, addictive patterns to conscious observation. This transition empowers us to consciously choose how we live and relate to an all-embracing world.
IT’S ALL IN THE MOMENT
Some people live a lifetime in a moment. Others may take a lifetime to understand a moment. This is a choice. Yet some of us are already limited by our ability to move forward. Relationships are like that. If one partner is stagnant, for instant holding back (the reason is irrelevant) there is a glitch in their wheel of life. That glitch belongs to them.
There is always movement whether we notice it or not. In truth, nothing stays the same. Even though a person may feel everything is the same.
Can a relationship fall apart? Yes…this is clear. The break happens when the person who feels she or she is left behind becomes jealous or manipulative and tries to force their mate to be the same person they think that person should be. It cannot be done. Know one can go back. Everything in life has a forward movement. It’s nature’s way.
Therefore, through time, all relationships will change. It is inevitable. What keeps relationships together? It is an adjustment to an individual’s growth. If one is truly connected, I wouldn’t matter if one person’s level of development rose another level.
THE JACK IN THE BOX SYNDRONE
JACK IN THE BOX SYNDROME While meditating I had an epiphany. For those of you who may not know what jack-in-the-box is, it’s a children’s toy that outwardly consists of a music box crank. When the crank is turned, a music box mechanism in the toy plays a melody of “pop goes the weasel.” When it is time, the jack-in-the-box suddenly pops out. It is a scary clown-looking face with a smile that is sort of sinister.
Okay…moving forward. Most of us live our lives as though we are turning the crank of a music box. We seem mesmerized with a quirky anticipation of knowing what is going to happen, but we keep cranking that crank. Oh...until the surprise comes. Then we’re either scared of the results, or in a slump thinking is that all there is. People that live this way are on a permanent roller coaster. THINK… do you have the jack-in-the-box syndrome? Or would you rather take a step and listen to your spirt who will always put you on the right track.
(Excerpts taken from the book
SEARCHING WITHIN)
INTUTITION, KNOWING AND NOT KNOWING
With a knowing you have a keen discernment and astuteness.
There is a safe silence, an openness, and a willingness
to accept an answer. How do you know you are receiving a
knowing answer versus an answer based on your ego? A
knowing moment is void of space and time. The experience
is alive and fresh with a freeing movement. It is a driven
force and does not hold itself back.
If you are uncomfortable or worry about making a
mistake, you will never have a knowing. A knowing may
not always make sense, but if you wait, time will prove your
knowing was correct. A knowing decision has nothing to
do with friends, family, or opinions. You are the keeper of
the knowing moment. It is a private experience; it is right
for you. A knowing is part of a normal human experience.
Never allow someone else’s criticisms to diminish what you
know.
Example 1: knowing and a Surprise
Beth’s Aunt Valerie passed away and bequeathed an
heirloom broach to her cousin Sandra. On Beth’s birthday,
Sandra gave Beth the broach. Beth felt embarrassed accepting
the broach—it was significantly valuable. Shyly she
suggested Sandra should sell the broach.
Sandra made it clear to Beth she would never think of
selling the broach since it meant so much to her aunt. And
she truly wanted her to have it. Sandra told Beth every moment
she saw her wearing the broach she would think of
Aunt Valerie.
Beth felt overwhelmed by Sandra’s generosity. A secret
part of her thought she would be indebted to Sandra forever.
Yet she could feel Sandra’s sincerity. Beth took a deep
breath. She searched within without preconceiving an idea
or thought—suddenly she had a knowing.
She said, “Thank you, Sandra, for the gracious gift. I
will always treasure the broach, but mostly your thoughtfulness.”
This new experience will add a deep dimension to both
Beth’s and Sandra relationship.
Example 2: Knowing, Dismissing uncomfortable feelings
Let us suppose a person named Mike is having difficulties
with his living arrangements. You volunteer to help
and invited him to move into your apartment—temporarily--
until he can find permanent lodgings. Before
Mike becomes part of your household you mention he has
to pay for his half of the utilities and purchase his food.
When the utility bills arrived, Mike was not receptive.
He told you he could not afford to pay his share. You firmly
explained that you do not have the means to support him. He
insists he will borrow the money from his friend Carol.
The next day, Mike explains that Carol will give him the money
by the end of the week. He begs you to be patient.
He looked you square in the eye with sincerity. He said,
“You will receive your money.”
Your knowing tells you Mike is not being forthright.
But you decide to dismiss your feelings and give into Mike’s
request. Unfortunately, in the middle of the week—while
you were at work—Mike stole your jewelry, ipod, DVD, and
television set.
Some people are moochers. They are not anyone’s
friends. Being kind and generous is fulfilling, but one must
be cautious. Before you allow someone into your home,
make sure he or she can be trusted. I find when the red flag
feeling presents itself there is always more to a story than
initially presented. Listen to your spirit and consider your
knowing as a warning sign. Do your best not to become a
victim.
Example 3: knowing, ignoring the alarm
I heard this example from a friend. A man and a
Woman met on an Internet dating site. Very quickly the relationship
bloomed. The man quit his seven-year engineering
job and followed his new love to another state.
After a few weeks of living together he pressured her into
marrying him. Something in her heart told her they were
moving too quickly. But even though she felt uncomfortable,
she married him anyway.
Four months into their marriage she knew she made a
mistake. He has cheated on her, he does not have a job,
and—on top of that—he has bad credit. She wants out of
the marriage. He is trying to emotionally blackmail her
into giving him half the worth of her home or else he will
contest the divorce.
This woman bears the responsibility for entering into
a union before she had enough information to make a clear
decision. It is time she saved herself before she loses more
ground. In this critical situation, I suggested she call a
lawyer and ask about her rights.
Example 3: Not Knowing, Too trusting
In a grocery store line, two friends had an intense conversation.
One friend mentioned he was robbed. He spoke
since it was the summertime, he thought it would be fun
to entertain his business colleagues on his boat. Before anyone
boarded, he placed his grandfather’s antique Rolex
watch on his bedroom nightstand. Needless to say, someone
took his watch—it is irreplaceable. He said he could
not image who could have taken it. He trusted everyone.
Again, if anyone has a group of people in their home
or otherwise, they should display caution. Sometimes,
under the right circumstance, people will do things out of
character. Why take the chance—be prepared.
Example 4: Not knowing, camouflaging emotions
I heard a story many years ago that went something
like this. A young child notices a wounded poisonous snake
lying on the ground. The snake pleads with her; help me
get my health back to normal.
The child said, “Will you bite me when you recover
from your injury?”
The snake quickly replied, “Of course not, I appreciate
you caring for me.”
The child showed her friends the beautiful snake. They
could not believe how kind he was and how readily he
played with them.
One day the snake told the child he had recovered
from his wounds. He was homesick and he wanted her to
take him into the deep forest. The child agreed to help him.
She reminded him he was not to bite her.
Throughout the journey the child walked anxiously
into the deep forest. Abruptly, the snake asked the child to
stop—he was home. As the child started to place the snake
on the ground, he bit her hand. The child screamed in pain.
She anticipated her sure death.
Sobbing she asked the snake, “Why after all I have
done for you did you renege on your promise?”
The snake simply answered, “I am what I am.”
Only through living in the present can one understand
the circumstances in one’s surroundings. Note every time
you are in a precarious situation—use scrutiny. Always
consider the source. Some people play on one’s sympathies
to camouflage their true motives. Anytime you are helping
someone because you feel sorry for him or her that is not
a knowing.
WISDOM
Wisdom is a way of life where courage and confidentiality
prevail. It does not allow anyone to sidestep an uncomfortable
situation or expect applause or admiration. Wise
people usually do not become frantic about their upheavals.
They are flexible under the most outrageous circumstances.
Yes, they may feel bewildered by life’s
disappointments or an unforeseen tragedy, but they usually
keep their wits about them. They prepare for the unexpected
and make a conscious effort to let go of their
dogmatic tendencies.
Wise people know they are responsible for their own
lives. They do not blame others for their hardships. They
practice clarity. They balance their lives with love and kindness.
They are good listeners. Best yet, they always react to
someone else’s opinion with respect. They do not waste
time looking for sunshine on a rainy day. They reflect sunshine--
their glow shines from within. They serendipitously
travel on that path of the unexpected. They live in the relationship
of knowing they are the teacher and the pupil.
Can you evolve to be a wise person? Sure, by following
a few simple rules anyone can become a wise person.
• Manage your actions to the best of your ability.
• Question the tenets of your foundation.
• Don’t create by chance; create by choice.
• Hold out for the best.
• You can make amazing things happen through meditation.
Concentrate on the colors of a rainbow, smell the
grass, or focus on the height of the sky.
• Have the gumption to use your voice, even when you
feel fearful.
•There are many styles at delivering the truth, and
yours is important.
•Establish what is worth fighting for before you jump
into ring.
MAKE A DECISION
There is real power being able to both observe yourself and
be yourself at once. That is when you become a stronger,
smarter, and proactive. Let your decisions be based on wisdom
rather than raw emotions. And if you happen to experience
a setback, down the line you may find it was not
a setback after all. Solve your problems simply. The answer
is always hidden within a dilemma.
WE ARE BORN
We are one born with (1) adventure, (2) limitations, and the (3) category that blends the 1 and 2 together that forms true understanding. For example: A mother and a father make a baby. The third…a new creation.
The 3rd category is our personal creation. The first two must be recognized before the fullness of the 3rd creation can come into our realization.
NOTE:
Who is your adventurous self?
What are your limitations?
Honesty is the best policy. Metaphorically, when you have both feet planted on the ground, or close to it, an opening will appear as has never before. This opening is devoid of fear and mixed with the unknown. Notice that it is an adult experience. Unlikely to be experienced as a youngster unless you are non-judgmental mixed with wisdom.
How does this creative force guide you and lift you to another level of existence? To name it would be difficult. Mostly, because it is dimensional, and each individual uniqueness makes too many unlimited variables.
Oh… I forgot to mention the secret ingredient to following this path is an important and evasive one. LISTENING to another person. LISTEN to yourself. Ask yourself: What do you hear in your dialogue. What do you hear in another person’s dialogue? What are the thoughts that run around in your head?
Can you answer those questions? Do your homework. Trust in the freedom of being genuine. LOVE the process. Enjoy the small and large surprises that life has to offer. Don’t waste time pondering about the past or tomorrow. Bask in the excitement of begin here.
A VIVID DREAM
I had a vivid dream the other day. I saw a young boy sobbing. His head was bent as he tried to hide his tears. I could feel he was a sensitive child, and that life’s mishaps made him feel sad. I went to him. I placed my hands on each side of his face. He started to relax.
I told him in this life there would be a lot of sad and uncomfortable things he would have to endure. Also, there would be wonderful things to experience. One of life’s important tests is to love yourself. And as you grow older you will understand that other people’s opinions or actions belong to them. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empathize with others but realize you cannot fix someone else’s stuff. Best of all you won’t have to change anything…just enjoy being you.
RECOMMENDATION
recommend the movie Joe Black…starring Brad Pitt. There are surprises, philosophical outlooks, and most of all family dynamics. Some would say the film is slow-paced. I think it needed to be. It helped the audience absorb the actor’s character essence. This is what I observed: Life is to be enjoyed in the moment. If we are lucky, we have joyous memories. For instance, that is why we take pictures to help us capture an activity of our good times. But when we pass, those pictures cannot be taken with us.
Pay attention: everything you have in front of you is the BEST it gets.
See things from a different perspective and make a note on that. Even if it is one word you can put daily in the calendar. If you need to make a change, step forward in the direction of not knowing. That is the only way you’ll be able to exist in this ever-changing world.
THE SPRINGTIME VIBRATION
Springtime days made me think about spring vibrations and how it always makes me feel refreshed. Science would say spring’s sunlight and warmer temperatures shift our internal rhythms, and then we feel emotionally upbeat. I would like to take a step further.
Spring is a movement toward the ending of time. Where things just happen. Where there are no division.
It is a time to abandon what is not working and set on a course of renewal physically, and in mind and spirit. I heard and except from a song: “I’m trying to leave something behind. Ask yourself what legacy are you leaving behind.
SPRING IS A TIME FOR SPIRITUAL AWAKENINGS
But one must notice the small stuff to feel its magic.